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About Digital Art / Student Official Beta Tester LaLa/Volpe/Fox/Launce/SEXYMale/United States Groups :iconqualityfanart: QualityFanArt
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I don't usually do this

Journal Entry: Thu Sep 11, 2014, 1:24 PM
trigger warning: cutting, self harm, depression, all those. if you don't wanna hear it, don't read this please.

But I don't know who else to tell. I don't have therapy again for another two weeks. 

I never understood self harm. Well, I understood it from a psychological perspective that it releases endorphins and some people do it in a way that is supposed to give them control on something in their life. There were plenty of reasons I read about and understood in a clinical kind of way. 

I kind of had my first bout of true understanding today. I didn't cut myself or harm myself. I gave a promise to all my friends I would never intentionally harm myself like that. But the thought actually crossed my mind. I am drowning in guilt over some things in my life right now. So much regret and guilt and sadness and grief. In the middle of it all, the thought of harming myself to rid myself of just some of the guilt. To know that I'm an animal underneath it all and that I can have something just lash me for it. The thought definitely crossed my mind. I even imagined it in my head, tried to imagine the release of some of my guilt through the flow of my blood. But I know me harming myself isn't helping anyone, especially not me. Now i'm just sitting here, slumped in my overwhelming...everything.

For anyone reading this. I promise you I'm in no imminent danger to myself, at least not physically. 

The anniversary of my father's passing is also coming up in a few more days. I am going to try my best not to get thrown off the edge. I'm not in a particularly good position right now but I know I will live and breathe at the end of it all.

I can't imagine that writing this out did any real lasting healing, but I feel slightly temporarily better..

  • Mood: Miserable
  • Eating: souls
  • Drinking: blood

deviantID

LaLaFoxtrot
LaLa/Volpe/Fox/Launce/SEXY
Artist | Student | Digital Art
United States
I live in California and I'm studying at The University of California at Davis under a design major.

:iconkuneria::iconlalafoxtrot:



The first tenant was never my best...


May the father of understanding guide you....




TEMPLARS!
Interests

SHOULD I GET RID OT THE HYPHEN IN MY NAME? 

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7 deviants said LaLaVolpe
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4 deviants said Try a new username entirely?

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:iconkoponya:
koponya Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014   Digital Artist
I'm sorry about not replying to this earlier. i put some deviations in storage.


You said "i was going to hate you" for liking Kaidan, but actually it's rather the opposite; he's adorable! I love the fact he's your favourite character so far, hehe. he can be a bit of a dweeb at times, but oh my goodness is he a sweetie. :heart:
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:iconlalafoxtrot:
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Don't worry bout it~

>////< Oh thank goodness you think so! He's just so fucking cute... Who's your favorite character? 8D
Reply
:iconluthienberen:
Luthienberen Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
Oooo...And how excited are you for AC Rogue? AT LAST we get to play as a TEMPLAR! And have Haytham. :)
Reply
:iconlalafoxtrot:
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Student Digital Artist
FGUBSILHGLSJGST I SAAAAWWW!!!

HAAAAYYYTTHHHAAAAM...GKBRSJHGBRS TEMPLARS... RTGHSEIBGJLSHBGSE

and best of all...


more fan art and fan fiction p;
Reply
:iconluthienberen:
Luthienberen Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014
YES!!! WE CAN FINALLY BE A MEMBER OF THE TEMPLAR KNIGHTHOOD!!!! OH PLEASE LET US ALSO HAVE THE TEMPLAR BOYBAND WITH THE ADDITION OF SHAY NOW OF COURSE. ;)

hehehehe. I said the same thing to someone else! Let there be more fanfiction and fan art!!! :D

Is it bad that I immediately thought of two scenarios?:

1.) Charles is jealous of Haytham's closeness to the new recurit only to disover Shay is interested in him...which the Grandmaster doesn't like. ;)
2.) Shay and Charles are caught in a comprimising position by Haytham when Shay is going through his exploits with an eager Charles who wants to hear more about Haytham. Maybe Shay is showing Charles a new move..?

Bonus: Crack: Shay discovers the Haytham shrine Charles has in his room.

:kitty:

I can't wait and now we will be able to find out how the Assassin Brotherhood was destroyed!

(Oh and Elise the Templar in Unity...may she remain a Templar!)

Best,
Reply
:iconluthienberen:
Luthienberen Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
" Finishing Charles' clothes" Woohooooo!  Hug 
Reply
:iconlalafoxtrot:
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Student Digital Artist
YUP! And now i'm laying down the colors, which is my second to last step!! ~ u ~

I'm so sorry I haven't been picking up speed > o < 

Summer school started 2 weeks ago and I have 2 studio classes that are gettin pretty labor intensive... BUT I AM MAKING TIME! > o <
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:iconluthienberen:
Luthienberen Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014
EEK!!! :airborne: Just alittle excited. ;)

Oh please don't be sorry!

I hope summer school is progressing well for you and that you are absorbing a lot from the studio classes (which sound like a lot of work, but very fulfilling!). :)

Don't kill yourself and take your time! I can wait. ::D

:heart:
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:iconkuneria:
Kuneria Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Reply
:iconlalafoxtrot:
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014  Student Digital Artist
omfg my browser crashed 3 times drawing this

im just gonna....
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