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About Digital Art / Student Official Beta Tester LaLa/Volpe/Fox/Launce/SEXYMale/United States Groups :iconqualityfanart: QualityFanArt
Just what the name implies.
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Artist | Student | Digital Art
United States
I live in California and I'm studying at The University of California at Davis under a design major.


The first tenant was never my best...

May the father of understanding guide you....


I don't usually do this

Journal Entry: Thu Sep 11, 2014, 1:24 PM
trigger warning: cutting, self harm, depression, all those. if you don't wanna hear it, don't read this please.

But I don't know who else to tell. I don't have therapy again for another two weeks. 

I never understood self harm. Well, I understood it from a psychological perspective that it releases endorphins and some people do it in a way that is supposed to give them control on something in their life. There were plenty of reasons I read about and understood in a clinical kind of way. 

I kind of had my first bout of true understanding today. I didn't cut myself or harm myself. I gave a promise to all my friends I would never intentionally harm myself like that. But the thought actually crossed my mind. I am drowning in guilt over some things in my life right now. So much regret and guilt and sadness and grief. In the middle of it all, the thought of harming myself to rid myself of just some of the guilt. To know that I'm an animal underneath it all and that I can have something just lash me for it. The thought definitely crossed my mind. I even imagined it in my head, tried to imagine the release of some of my guilt through the flow of my blood. But I know me harming myself isn't helping anyone, especially not me. Now i'm just sitting here, slumped in my overwhelming...everything.

For anyone reading this. I promise you I'm in no imminent danger to myself, at least not physically. 

The anniversary of my father's passing is also coming up in a few more days. I am going to try my best not to get thrown off the edge. I'm not in a particularly good position right now but I know I will live and breathe at the end of it all.

I can't imagine that writing this out did any real lasting healing, but I feel slightly temporarily better..

  • Mood: Miserable
  • Eating: souls
  • Drinking: blood


9 deviants said LaLa-Volpe
7 deviants said LaLaVolpe
4 deviants said Try a new username entirely?


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Coppeh-and-Paste Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 8D i hope you have a good one! i spent most of the day away from the house so i didn't have the time to say this a lot earlier in the day :iconlazycryplz:
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2015  Student Digital Artist
thank youuu!!!! 

aww, don't worry I appreciate the thought u w u
luner-tigher Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2015
happy B-day X3
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Thank youuuuu <3 <3 <3
luner-tigher Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2015
welcome =3
Yanagi-no-Yume Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2015
*poke* Hello! And happy birthday~ :cakerun: 
I haven't had the chance to talk to you in a while, but I'm hoping you're doing well.
So stay awesome and dodge the Assassins for yet another year, okay? :hug:2 rvmp 
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2015  Student Digital Artist
THANK YOU!! <3 <3 <3 

I missed seeing you on here too. I've been in the biggest art block D;

But don't worry. I will post more!
thanks for the birthday wishes <3
Yanagi-no-Yume Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2015
:hug: You're welcome!
Yeah, I've had a pretty big life-block as well, called 'getting a full-time job while trying to get a Master's degree' XD Not fun, let me tell you XD
Hope to see you more on here soon! :heart:
koponya Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2015   Digital Artist
Happy early birthday, Lala. (:
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Awww Kopo thank you ; u ;
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