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About Digital Art / Student Official Beta Tester LaLa/Volpe/Fox/Launce/SEXYMale/United States Groups :iconqualityfanart: QualityFanArt
Just what the name implies.
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LaLaFoxtrot
LaLa/Volpe/Fox/Launce/SEXY
Artist | Student | Digital Art
United States
I live in California and I'm studying at The University of California at Davis under a design major.

:iconkuneria::iconlalafoxtrot:



The first tenant was never my best...


May the father of understanding guide you....




TEMPLARS!
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I don't usually do this

Journal Entry: Thu Sep 11, 2014, 1:24 PM
trigger warning: cutting, self harm, depression, all those. if you don't wanna hear it, don't read this please.

But I don't know who else to tell. I don't have therapy again for another two weeks. 

I never understood self harm. Well, I understood it from a psychological perspective that it releases endorphins and some people do it in a way that is supposed to give them control on something in their life. There were plenty of reasons I read about and understood in a clinical kind of way. 

I kind of had my first bout of true understanding today. I didn't cut myself or harm myself. I gave a promise to all my friends I would never intentionally harm myself like that. But the thought actually crossed my mind. I am drowning in guilt over some things in my life right now. So much regret and guilt and sadness and grief. In the middle of it all, the thought of harming myself to rid myself of just some of the guilt. To know that I'm an animal underneath it all and that I can have something just lash me for it. The thought definitely crossed my mind. I even imagined it in my head, tried to imagine the release of some of my guilt through the flow of my blood. But I know me harming myself isn't helping anyone, especially not me. Now i'm just sitting here, slumped in my overwhelming...everything.

For anyone reading this. I promise you I'm in no imminent danger to myself, at least not physically. 

The anniversary of my father's passing is also coming up in a few more days. I am going to try my best not to get thrown off the edge. I'm not in a particularly good position right now but I know I will live and breathe at the end of it all.

I can't imagine that writing this out did any real lasting healing, but I feel slightly temporarily better..

  • Mood: Miserable
  • Eating: souls
  • Drinking: blood

SHOULD I GET RID OT THE HYPHEN IN MY NAME? 

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7 deviants said LaLaVolpe
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4 deviants said Try a new username entirely?

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:iconyanagi-no-yume:
Yanagi-no-Yume Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2014
Hey there! I've been meaning to ask, what do you think of AC Rogue? And have you played it yet? 8D
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:iconlalafoxtrot:
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Haven't played it yet I'm afraid! > o <

I haven't the money to get it just yet... In the mean time I've been playing Dragon Age for the first time though O:
Reply
:iconyanagi-no-yume:
Yanagi-no-Yume Featured By Owner 6 days ago
Okay... I'll need to wait for the PC release anyway (whenever that might happen XD).
I just keep getting opposite opinions of it, half the people think it's awesome and far better than Unity, and the other half say it's unacceptable (mostly because they refuse to play as a Templar 8D). But I'm thinking of giving it a chance. It came out a day after my birthday, so I say it's destiny XD
Never played Dragon Age myself... :<
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:iconlalafoxtrot:
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Student Digital Artist
I can't wait for templar mayhem!!! Heard it's at least not as buggy as Unity.
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:iconsimokaos:
Simokaos Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2014
Thanks for the fav on "Fear" :D
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:iconlalafoxtrot:
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2014  Student Digital Artist
It was absolutely beautiful. :heart:
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:iconsimokaos:
Simokaos Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2014
thanks one more time :aww:
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:iconjjmyster22:
JJmyster22 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014
hyooo
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:iconlalafoxtrot:
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2014  Student Digital Artist
helloooooz
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:iconjjmyster22:
JJmyster22 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014
How is you?
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