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LaLaFoxtrot
Lawrence
Artist | Student | Digital Art
United States
:iconkuneria::iconlalafoxtrot:

Tumblr: lalafoxtrot.tumblr.com
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I don't usually do this

Journal Entry: Thu Sep 11, 2014, 1:24 PM
trigger warning: cutting, self harm, depression, all those. if you don't wanna hear it, don't read this please.

But I don't know who else to tell. I don't have therapy again for another two weeks. 

I never understood self harm. Well, I understood it from a psychological perspective that it releases endorphins and some people do it in a way that is supposed to give them control on something in their life. There were plenty of reasons I read about and understood in a clinical kind of way. 

I kind of had my first bout of true understanding today. I didn't cut myself or harm myself. I gave a promise to all my friends I would never intentionally harm myself like that. But the thought actually crossed my mind. I am drowning in guilt over some things in my life right now. So much regret and guilt and sadness and grief. In the middle of it all, the thought of harming myself to rid myself of just some of the guilt. To know that I'm an animal underneath it all and that I can have something just lash me for it. The thought definitely crossed my mind. I even imagined it in my head, tried to imagine the release of some of my guilt through the flow of my blood. But I know me harming myself isn't helping anyone, especially not me. Now i'm just sitting here, slumped in my overwhelming...everything.

For anyone reading this. I promise you I'm in no imminent danger to myself, at least not physically. 

The anniversary of my father's passing is also coming up in a few more days. I am going to try my best not to get thrown off the edge. I'm not in a particularly good position right now but I know I will live and breathe at the end of it all.

I can't imagine that writing this out did any real lasting healing, but I feel slightly temporarily better..

  • Eating: souls
  • Drinking: blood

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:iconyanagi-no-yume:
Yanagi-no-Yume Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2016
Happy Birthday! I haven't had the chance to talk to you at all recently, but I hope you're well! Take care! :)
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:iconlalafoxtrot:
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2016  Student Digital Artist
Thank youuu!!! ; u ; All is indeed well. I'm doing much better <3
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:iconyanagi-no-yume:
Yanagi-no-Yume Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016
That's good to hear :hug: What have you been up to anyway?
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:iconlalafoxtrot:
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2016  Student Digital Artist
Oh, I got a new job and I've taken on some design work. I've also become just generally more active on Tumblr instead of Deviantart. It's been too sleepy on DA...
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(1 Reply)
:iconkbcookie:
KbCookie Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR A FEW DAYS TIME SO I DONT FORGET BEAUTIFUL MWAH MWAH MWAH
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:iconlalafoxtrot:
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2016  Student Digital Artist
Oh thank youu!!!! <3 <3
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:icongambitandrika:
GambitAndRika Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Le stalks art forever-
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:iconlalafoxtrot:
LaLaFoxtrot Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2016  Student Digital Artist
awww thank youuu!!! <3 <3 <3
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:icongambitandrika:
GambitAndRika Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Your very welcome ^^
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:iconluna-fantasma:
Luna-Fantasma Featured By Owner Edited Feb 14, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello, I have read that you haven't been fine, I hope you are better now this 2016. I wish this year be different in a better way. I have been through lots of pain on my soul and the loss of my dear father last year. I am also an Assassin's Creed huge fan, and I try to be better sometimes getting into art. Please be well and happy valentine! Happy Valentine's Day by Lilyas

I hope when you are okey you accept submissions to our lovely group :iconvisionaryassassins:
I like a lot your artworks, please take care and be fine :tighthug: 
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